Wonderfully Made

It's so fun for me to watch the kids develop as individuals, and amazing to see what a strong role Nature (vs. Nurture, that is) really has to play in who each one is.  As siblings, the kids have lots of similarities to each other, but I love the differences too.  I wanted to share my latest favorite example of how different Caleb and Hayden are from each other:

Hayden, not yet 3 1/2, is teaching himself to ride a two wheeled bike lately.  A few days ago he decided he was done with training wheels.  I should mention that he's only had this bike of his own for a month now (it used to be Caleb's).  Hayden likes to practice without ANY assistance.  The first day, he practiced for a few hours (seriously!) in the backyard, never getting discouraged and really enjoying this new challenge.  He is making great progress, and it might not be long before he's mastered the two-wheel bike.  And I just love him for it!

Caleb, as he watched Hayden practicing, said to me, "Do they make adults bikes with training wheels? Because I NEVER want to take off my training wheels." And I just love him for it!

Newest Member of our Family

Made you look! hehe. No, I am not pregnant. No, we did not get a new pet.

Meet George.  He spends lots of time at our house.  He drives a blue Chevy Suburban as well as a white Chevy 2 door van.  The police once caught him driving in 100th gear and he spent some time in jail.  He parks in the street in front of our house, but lately he's been asking us to move one of our vehicles to the street so that he can park in the driveway instead. He also follows us in his car wherever we go.  George prefers that we choose routes with only a few turns so that it's easier for him to follow us.  And when we park in a lot somewhere, we need to choose a spot where George can park next to us. He's 5 years old, and the other day when he left his jacket at preschool by mistake, he used his jet-pack to fly back to school to get the jacket.  He eats at Soft Order- his favorite restaurant- almost every night.  George used to always eat bones and poles, but now he's not quite as fond of bones, so it's just poles at Soft Order for now. 

Caleb has enjoyed hanging out with this new friend of his, and it's been fun for all of us as we get to know George.  What I like most about George is how neat and quiet he is.  It's like he's not even here!

It's Not Easy

Lately I have been missing the days when the boys were little (under 2) and parenting was relatively easy. I could trust my gut instinct when making decisions and feel confident that I was doing the right thing for the kids.  The older the kids get, the harder I find good parenting to be.  More and more I find myself in situations where I feel at a loss.  Usually I can think of several things NOT to do, but that's not good enough.  I wish my knee-jerk reactions were more trustworthy, but the fact is that if I do what comes natural all the time, I'll be teaching the kids things I don't really want them to learn. It's not easy to learn new habits and patterns of interaction (for myself), and it's not like I get the chance to retreat for a few weeks while I try to change myself before coming back to the kids and interacting with them. This is real time!

I know that in reality there are some things -probably a lot of things- I am doing right, but there are days when I feel like I'm just making one mistake after another. It's pretty discouraging, except that I have hope that God will fill in the gaps.  Never have I more appreciated God's promise of wisdom to those who ask for it than now as a parent.  This parenting thing can be H-A-R-D, but it's nice to know I'm not doing it alone!  It's comforting to have hope that God can change me and it's comforting to know that God can work in my children in spite of me.

A Puppy Dog Tale

Subtitle:  My BA in Psychology Really Is Good For Something

Over the past few months, Caleb has become increasingly afraid of dogs.  He didn't have a particularly bad experience or anything, but there are several things about encountering an unfamiliar dog that freaks out Caleb.  Recently his dislike for dogs escalated into an interfering-with-daily-life type of phobia.  He didn't want to play  in our backyard because he was worried the dog next door would jump over our 6 foot fence.  He didn't want to go to the playground because we might see a dog.  If we were at the playground and there was a dog within sight (even if it was 300 yards away), Caleb would climb to the top of the play structure and hide until the dog was gone.  Not cool. Caleb was bursting with anxiety, feeling uncomfortable even at his own home, and not able to relax and enjoy physical activity outdoors.

Caleb and I would talk through things rationally.  How many times has the dog jumped over the fence? Zero.  How many days have we lived here when the dog did NOT jump over the fence? A lot. What would happen if the dog did manage to jump over the fence? It might run around and try to lick me.  And what would happen if it licked you? I would get wet. And what happens if you get wet? I would have to dry off.  Caleb seemed to know that the things he disliked about dogs didn't really warrant the responses had had.  But the anxiety persisted.

It seemed that a bit of systematic desensitization was in order.  (This is the part where my psychology degree comes in, BTW.  Always a nice feeling to use some of that stuff I learned in college!) I put the word out among my friends that if anyone happened to get a small, young puppy, or knew of a dog with a newborn litter, to please let me know.  It was a long shot, but I just wanted Caleb to have the chance to be in the same room as a teeny tiny puppy without (hopefully) feeling threatened.  I also took Caleb to Petco, where there is a glassed in room for grooming.  The first time we went Caleb was shaking with fear, even as we stood outside the grooming area looking in.  The second time we went he was able to stand outside the grooming room and watch the dogs.  He was actually somewhat interested in it.

At Caleb's 5 year well check, I talked with the pediatrician about the dog phobia.  She and Caleb brainstormed together, and they came up with the idea that whenever Caleb went outside or to the park he would choose a towel to bring with him.  This way he had an easy way to dry himself if he happened to get licked. So now every time we go to the park, Caleb likes to bring a towel along.  (Fortunately he's not too rigid about it... if he forgets the towel, he is ok when I offer to use my shirt as a replacement if he needs to dry off!)

Our next step was to visit the humane society.  There were about 20 doggie "apartments" at the humane society with glass windows and doors that we could peak through.  Caleb did great looking at each of the dogs there.  The barking was still scary for him, but he could cope. After checking out the adoptable dogs in their apartments, we went outside and watched some dogs running around in the dog park. Again, we were at a distance and protected by a fence, but Caleb was calm and even enjoying our time there.

Caleb was really making progress here! He even went so far to say, "Maybe we can get a puppy.  And then when it gets bigger we can keep it if I like it, or if I don't like it we can give it to somebody else."  We aren't exactly ready to be a dog-owning family, but at least Caleb was opening up.  In the last week or two, Caleb has been a lot better about passing dogs when we go for bike rides (as long as they're leashed), and not nearly as paranoid on the playground when a dog is within a quarter mile radius.

The BIGGEST breakthrough came yesterday at the park.  A 7 year old girl was there with her 4 month old chihuahua.  The dog wasn't on a leash, as it was supposed to be at the park, but the girl was holding it tightly in her arms as she used the swings. Rather than running and hiding, Caleb slowly approached the girl and dog, and was asking her questions about the puppy.  I don't think he came any closer than 5 feet, which was kind of funny to watch.  Any time the girl moved and it looked like the dog MIGHT wiggle through her arms, Caleb ran a few feet back toward the safety of the tall play structure. But then eventually he would come closer again.

I am so proud of Caleb and quite happy about how much he's improved lately! Hopefully we can continue building on each of these steps.  I don't care if Caleb never likes dogs, I just want him to be able to go about his business without worrying about dogs. Keep up the good work, buddy!

Avery is Weaned!

Hopefully this post doesn't jinx anything, but I am excited to share that it has been 5 days since Avery last nursed.  I started cutting back on nursing sessions in January, and alas, 3 months later we seem to be done! 

How did I manage to wean a child who LOVED nursing in a reasonably gentle way, you might ask?  Certainly we did things gradually, for one. In January, I cut out Avery's evening nursing session by using the clock as a guideline.  I made goals by saying to myself, for example, "This week I won't nurse Avery past 6:45pm." And then I worked to move that time earlier and earlier until Avery no longer asked to nurse in the evenings. 

Next I worked to cut out the pre-nap feeding.  I thought the post-nap feeding would be the second one to drop, but it proved more difficult than the pre-nap session.  The pre-nap feeding was pretty easy to drop, I just had to help Avery learn a new nap time routine.  It turned out not to be a huge deal.

The post-nap feeding was the hardest for sure.  I tried distracting Avery with all kinds of snacks when she woke up, with games, going outside, all kinds of things.  And I abandoned all zip-up shirts/jackets during this time in favor of high-cut shirts and Matt's thick sweatshirts! What worked best was putting the kids straight into the car as soon as Avery woke up from her nap and going out to do a quick errand or two.  The car ride was a big enough distraction that when we got home, she wasn't upset about missing out on nursing.

The last session remaining was the wake-up nursing session.  I didn't really have a genius plan for eliminating this one, and I had basically resolved myself to not completely weaning Avery until our Hawaii trip in June (more on that another time!).  Matt and I will be away for 4 days, and that would give Avery several days to learn a new morning routine. 

However, this past weekend Avery more or less decided on her own that she didn't want to nurse in the morning!  The first day, last Friday, our morning routine was a bit different than usual and Avery was distracted and simply didn't ask to nurse.  The next few days I intentionally did things in a different order in the morning, and I used a bit of distraction as well.  Like when Avery started dragging her blanket over to me for nursing, I used it to hide her, Hayden, and myself under it for awhile and play games. Overall though, I feel confident that Avery just hasn't been very interested in nursing. This is comforting to me, because at times I felt guilty about redirecting her away from something she loved so much. (Even though I know leaving behind old favorites and replacing them with new things is an important part of growing up.)

Today and yesterday there were one or two times when Avery indicated she wanted to nurse, and I asked her if she wanted a snack, to which she said, "snack", and was very agreeable to me taking her to the kitchen for a snack. So I think she is well on her way to forgetting about nursing.  And now that we are 5 days into NOT nursing, I am not about to revert.

We had several times in the past few months when Avery was sick and/or teething and those times felt like huge setbacks.  During those times, Avery would want to nurse quite frequently.  At first it bothered me, as it felt like we were taking one step forward and two steps backward.  But for each time that Avery was sick/teething and regress, she would return to her normal (new) nursing routine as soon as she felt better. So it wasn't a lasting regression.  Avery still has more teeth on the way- molars, in fact- and I'm a bit nervous about how she will be when the teething pain starts back up again and she no longer has her favorite comfort tool available.

There you have it- my weaning story.  Probably not as interesting to you as to me... but writing it down is the only way I will remember it.

Potty Power

Avery is 17 months old now and has recently developed an interest in the toilet.  It started with her wanting a piece of TP to wipe the leg of any person sitting on the toilet (usually me, since I don't have the privilege of going the bathroom by myself unless it's between 8pm and 6am).  She would wipe my thigh thoroughly, put the square in the toilet, close the lid and flush. 

Then Avery started wanting to sit on the toilet herself.  Since I can't hold her over the toilet all day long and simultaneously care for her two older brothers, it occurred to me that Avery is ready for her own little potty.  Most of the time, she sits on the potty with her clothes on. But there have been four times so far when I've bothered to take off her diaper so she can have some genuine potty experiences.  Here are the results.

1st time: peed in potty
2nd time: peed in potty 
3rd time: peed in potty
4th time: pooped in potty

I kid you not, Avery is 4 for 4 with butt naked success on her potty.  I am intrigued to see where this journey takes us. Or rather, how long it takes us to get there! I'm surprised how much control she seems to have over her bodily functions when she wants to.  But then again, people always say how much easier it is to train girls than boys. (And I can already attest to MUCH less mess from a girl!)

Lest you think I am bragging, I do want to add that I am convinced this is too good to be true and don't expect Avery to go every time she sits down on the potty.  Secondly, I also know that the more a parent wants to potty train their kid, the less the kid wants to be trained. So I am in no hurry and am very content to let Avery do things at her own pace here. It's been a fun start though.

A Fly On Our Walls Might See Something Like This

I love watching the kids playing together, observing how they interact and how their minds work.  And for sure, our lives are full of If-Only-You-Could-Have-Seen-It moments with the kids.  Here is a snippet of one of those times from earlier today:

Caleb and Hayden started tossing a bunch of Avery's toys into a suitcase.
Caleb: We're going on a trip to a land full of babies and bears.  I'm going to fight the babies and Hayden will fight the bears.
Hayden: And ducks.
Then they zipped up the suitcase and Caleb started dragging it around the living room.  And Hayden followed, and said, "I'm going on the trip too."

A Reminder of How Childbirth Wreaks Havoc on a Mother's Body

During lunch today Matt and I were talking about bricks, which prompted Caleb to say, "I think Mommy is made of bricks."  When asked to expound on that, he said, "I mean that I think Mommy's stomach is made of bricks." 

I thought to myself, "Bonus points for that one, Caleb."  And, "I wish my stomach looked like bricks."

But then Caleb continued, "It's one giant brick. That giggles. And it has a giant bus behind it."

Bonus points revoked! Though I must admit that Caleb has a creative way of speaking truth, and we all got a good laugh out of it.

Monkeying Around

This afternoon we celebrated Caleb's 5th and Hayden's 3rd birthdays with friends. We did a Curious George theme, which was a lot of fun.  The kids enjoyed playing "George says," making pasta jewelry (a la Chef Pisghetti), using the new bubble machine from Mia, and playing the Curious George board game from Jacob, Simon, and Justina. Oh, and eating cake too! We captured some of the fun on camera:

My New Favorite Way to Give Myself a Sugar Headache

Usually when I make a cake I decorate it with the store-bought icing in a can. For Hayden's 3rd birthday this past January I made my own buttercream icing for the first time. Yum! A sugar addict's delight for sure. Last night I started making the cake for the boys' Curious George joint birthday party so the buttercream is now ready and waiting to be spread on the cake. I just hope there is enough left by the time I get to decorate the cake tonight that I don't need to make another batch. I've got all day to *try* to keep myself from sampling the icing. Maybe it would be best if we spent the day out of the house.

My, How Things Change

When Caleb was almost 1, he got his first Matchbox car. I was hesitant to let him play with it since they're recommended for ages 3+ because of small parts. I watched him closely at first whenever he played with the car.

Hayden started playing with Matchbox cars as soon as he was able to reach and grab them. I was careful to watch him when he put them in his mouth, but it didn't worry me too much.

At the moment, Avery is running around the house carrying two of her favorite things: chapstick (because it's fun for her to take the lid off and on) and tiny Lego people heads. And I'm here on the computer while she does it.

This one's for you, List Lovers

This morning Matt emailed me this link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8537856.stm. It's an article about an exhibition about the art of list-making. I decided to pass it along, since I know how much many of my friends love to make lists.

I, too, have historically been a List Lover. One of those people who likes making lists just for the sake of having a list, and someone who puts an item on a list- even if it's something already taken care of- just so I can cross it off the list. In my pre-parenthood life, I enjoyed making to-do lists, packing/shopping lists, pro and con lists to help me make a decision, and lists of things to remember to say in a difficult and/or important conversation.

I have noticed that since becoming a mom my listmaking has changed somewhat. I still make to do lists and packing/shopping lists... mostly because I NEED them now, or else I will inevitably forget to schedule that child well-check, leave the underwear out of the suitcase, or come home from the grocery store with everything except my main ingredient for tonight's dinner. Gone are the days when I was so with it upstairs that I could write a list and never need to look at it again (because I had it memorized).

For the most part, parenthood has cured me of the compulsion to write pro-con lists and lines of logic to use in conversation. I suppose it isn't JUST parenthood that gets the credit-- maybe there's some plain old maturity as well as my part in an increasingly postmodern culture in there too. But being a mom has helped me chill out and be ok with some disorder, disarray, and, um, near chaos at times. Thus I generally have less of a need to feel in control all of the time- something the article mentions as often characteristic of list writers. Parenthood (and, again, probably other things too) has also helped me realize that it's often ok to trust my gut feelings. I don't need a rational explanation for everything I decide. I don't have to tally up the pro and con columns (and the values assigned to each item) to figure out what to do. I actually like to decide things based on what FEELS right. It's the new postmodern mommy Robyn.

Oh, and there are also plenty of days now when it's hard to even take the time to write out a list!

Maybe someday I will be able to think clearly enough to no longer need ANY kind of list... but I really doubt it.

PS. So I re-read what I wrote above, and I want to add that in no way do I mean to imply that people who don't make lists are more mature than those who do... I really have no problem with lists (and the people who love to make them)! All I wanted to do was comment that my listmaking habits have changed over the past few years. No judgments of others here! Maybe if I had listed out my points ahead of time, I would have written more clearly ;)