Vinyl is "In"

This weekend Matt and I finished re-covering our dining room chairs for the third time in 6 years.  The first time we did it we chose a pretty pale yellow fabric that matched our dining room and dishes.  Soon after Caleb started using these chairs on a regular basis for meals and art projects, the chairs were looking pretty gross. Granted, I am not a freak about swift clean ups after meals. (Who has time to scrub stains on chairs when the end of meal time is followed by a rush to the sink to wash sticky hands before they touch everything in the house and then a poopy diaper to change before it leaks, then trying to get leftover food put away before it spoils or before the kids get back into it, then getting the kids started on the next appropriate activity so that mom can finish eating her own lunch, and then, and then...?) Even so, this yellow fabric might have had a label that said it was "stain absorbant." 

Somewhere along the lines I was introduced to the concept of plastic seat protectors, but my gut feeling was that these protectors couldn't withstand the abuse of my little boys. Why spend $8 per cover per chair when the chairs would still get stained? And I also tried assigning the boys to use just one or two chairs, rather than rotate through ALL of them, but somehow that plan just didn't work.

When the chairs got so dirty that I was embarrassed for even FAMILY members to see the chairs when they visited, I knew it was time for a new seat cover.  The second time I chose a clearance fabric that seemed sturdy and was multicolored, and I hoped a bit stain resistant too. The plan was to use it for about 4 years until Avery was at the point where she could mostly be trusted to keep her food on the table or in her mouth, not on the chair. Then I could pick another fabric to be a long term keeper.

Turns out that second fabric wasn't all I hoped it would be. The stains looked a bit nicer on the new fabric, but they were definitely still stained before long. Oh, and right after I put on the second fabric we ended up moving and changing color schemes in the kitchen.

So, magic fabric #3 for these chairs is VINYL.  I've had it with regular fabrics, and I hardly care that our kitchen feels somewhat like Pizza Hut with our dark red vinyl covered seats. It was a cheap and easy fix, and I *think* it will last us a little while.  We'll see...

So there you have our dining room chairs story.  Consider it a "Learn from that Nut's mistake" opportunity for those of you who still have children in highchairs =)

Yet Another Tough Call

And I'm not referring to any World Cup action.

For a couple years now, Caleb and Hayden have really been into the Toy Story movies.  Initially I had some reservations about letting the boys watch them because of some of the language (a few uses of "stupid", "moron", etc.), characters (Sid and Zurg), and content (bits of shooting, fighting).  But at one point we needed a movie to watch on an airplane ride that would hold the boys' attention for awhile... and I also figured that it's wrong and unrealistic to shelter the boys from those negative things forever.  And of course the movies are filled with many positive themes and actions oveall.  So we played Toy Story for the kids on the airplane.

And so it began. Actually, my memory of it all isn't too clear, but somewhere along the lines Hayden became fascinated with Buzz Lightyear.  I think it has a lot to do with the preschooler desire for power.  (Sidenote: it's interesting to me how there are things that Hayden is really drawn to, and Caleb -even when he was Hayden's age- could care less about some of those same things-- such as Buzz's power.) Anyway, you can imagine the boys' excitement upon learning that a NEW Toy Story movie was coming out.  For months, I've been planning to take the boys on a "date" to the movies to see Toy Story 3.

That day came today. It was the first time Caleb and Hayden had ever been to the movie theater. Ahead of time we discussed what a theater was like inside, as well as the concept of seeing movies in a theater versus television. I was really excited to have some special time with the boys doing something they were looking forward to so much. 

It wasn't too far into the movie before Caleb got sad and scared about what was happening in the movie. And shortly after that, Hayden was scared too, crawling on my lap, saying he wanted to go home.  At one point, both boys were crying saying how much they hated the movie.  And the movie did have many sad and scary parts, especially from the point of view of a preschool aged boy who sees his hero going through some terrible trials.

I really didn't know what to do. Should we stay or leave? We could have left the theater.  It wasn't like I was thinking, "We paid for these tickets, so we have to get the most out of it."  I decided we would stay, and I kept reassuring the boys that often sad parts are followed by happy parts, that a movie can be good and sad at the same time, etc. I guess I was hoping to teach the boys not to give up on something just because they feel sad or scared. And I did want them to see that their heroes were ok in the end.

But I think I made a mistake.  As it turned out, the toys were ok in the end, but the movie's ending was truly bittersweet.  In Caleb and Hayden's minds the outcome did not make up for the sad/scary parts in any way.  They really did not like the movie.  If I had known exactly how the movie ended, I probably would have left early with the kids.

Caleb kept saying over and over how much he disliked the movie. And his behavior for the rest of the day showed how much he was still wrestling with the things he had seen.  He was crabby. More directly, as he played throughout the day he kept incorporating elements from the movie that were troubling him.  For example, in the movie Buzz was betrayed and tied up with a sack put over his head.  And later in the day, Caleb was playing with a nylon laundry bag over his head pretending he was being restrained. He also talked a lot about precious things burning and being put in a landfill, like in the movie.

Of course, I couldn't have anticipated all of this ahead of time. Caleb does have a history of being very senstitive to sad things in movies, but I don't know that this means that he should avoid sad movies altogether.  I could have previewed the movie without the kids, but even if I had done that I don't know that I would have decided against letting the boys see it. Did I make the wrong decision to stay for the entire movie rather than leave halfway through? Maybe. I think they would have been traumatized either way, but maybe it would have been better to teach them that their mother respects their ability to choose what they watch rather than to teach them that happy things can accompany sad things in movies.

I will say that a positive outcome of all of this is that the boys and I have a ton of things to talk about together over the next few days... regarding the specific events in the movie- both good and bad, and the concept of choosing what we watch.

Kaua'i Getaway

Ok, I am not feeling particularly articulate or creative, but I've got a moment to blog, so I am forging ahead with this post, knowing full well it will probably end up sounding like it was written by a 3rd grader. 

Ahem, anyway... Last week was the week I had been anticipating for 8 months-- the week Matt and I journeyed to Kaua'i. It was an amazing trip! The first reason it was amazing was because of the setting. Kaua'i is a beautiful place- it really felt like paradise, as you can see from the pics below.

The second reason the vacation was amazing was because Matt and I went without the kids.  I don't even think I can articulate how much I needed a break from my three delightful-all-the-time angels ;) Of course I love them dearly, but I've been feeling worn out and emotionally spent for quite some time now.  So on this trip I enjoyed many luxuries:

-read a book (without pictures) on the airplane

-drink pop at dinner

-ride in the car without the pressure of keeping a certain toddler reasonably happy and quiet

-complete sentences and even *gasp* entire conversations without interruption
-eat dinner after 5:30pm

-go to the beach with only my towel in hand

-choose my bedtime without feeling like I should take into account how many times I expected to be woken up during the night

-get up and out of bed in the morning when I felt like it

The list could go on.  We were sure to pick a bunch of activities that we wouldn't have the chance to do (or at least not as easily) if we were vacationing with the kids.  Snorkeling, hiking, biking, kayaking, swimming in the ocean waves.  We were very active, and yet the days were still quite relaxing!

I think this may have been my most favorite trip ever, due partly to how much we just needed a break. It was so nice to have the time alone with Matt and spend time together like we did before the kids were born. Everything went so perfectly and smoothly. The kids did GREAT with Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Mike in San Jose, the travel went as planned, our hotel was amazing, etc, etc. I am so thankful for the chance to take this vacation with Matt and that it was to such a beautiful destination. And now Matt and I are trying to figure out when we can getaway like this again next!

Happiest Place on Earth

Last weekend we escaped to Disneyland for several days. What a great trip! We drove down on Saturday, went to Disneyland on Sunday, California Adventure on Monday, then drove home on Tuesday.  It was fun to do the trip with our friends who have two girls close in age to Caleb and Hayden.

Caleb did great branching out and trying some new things (since he is not naturally the adventurous type) including Space Mountain.  And he hated it.  In his words, "I never ever ever ever EVER [insert about 10 more 'evers' here] want to go on Space Mountain again!"  Caleb especially enjoyed riding some of the rides with his friend Jenny.  No surprise that George now has a friend named Jenny, whom Caleb refers to as "George's Jenny."

Hayden walked all day long both days, not once taking a break to sit in the stroller- what a trooper! One of my favorite parts of the trip was during the Finding Nemo ride when Hayden, referring to the fish and divers he saw in the water, exclaimed, "They're all REAL!"  And after this trip, Hayden is even more obsessed with Buzz Lightyear.

Avery enjoyed her third-child duty of tagging along for everything. Even though she was quite young to appreciate the Disney experience, she was old enough to sit next to me on most of the rides (rather than on my lap), which was quite nice. I'm sure she felt like a big kid.  The kicker was on the way home... Avery was pretty cranky and over-tired by Tuesday after we dragged her along without much respect for her napping routines all weekend.  We left Anaheim around 9:30am, and I was sure that Avery would soon be asleep in the car. WRONG! That kid stayed awake the entire way home until we were 10 minutes from home (at 5pm)... no exaggeration!  At that point we debated about whether to wake her up or let her keep sleeping-- this time we chose the latter, and it worked out for the best, because Avery stayed sleeping until 6am the next morning. Whew!

Below are a few highlights from the trip:

Top 10 Sounds In the House That Send Me Running

Between the 2 adults and 3 children in our home, the house is rarely quiet.  Since I don't REALLY have eyes in the back of my head, I've learned to listen carefully to what's going on in the house so I can monitor things.  Here are ten sounds that tell me I more than likely need to make a quick move (besides the obvious fighting/yelling/crying/"Moooooooom!").

10. Thud in the middle of the night
9. Scissors cutting
8. Refrigerator door opening
7. Phone dialing

6. Bathroom sink faucet turned on for more than 3 seconds

5. Laptop crashing to the floor
4. Chair being pushed from one end of the kitchen to the other
3. Toilet lid opening
2. Silence that lasts more than 3 seconds.
1. Giggling in the bathroom

Trip to The Mountains

This weekend we attempted our first camping trip as a family of 5. We headed up to Big Basin to camp in the redwood forest with our friends, the Pozzi's. We all had a great time walking through the woods, throwing stones in the creek, cooking dinner over a fire, making s'mores, and playing in our new gigantic tent that sat under the gigantic redwoods.

Did you notice how I used the word "attempted" in my first sentence? Yeah, that was on purpose.  Everything was just ducky until 11pm.  That's when Avery woke up screaming. It was obvious to me from the sound of her cry and her body language that Avery was down right mad when she woke up found herself still in the sleeping bag in the tent.  She was not at all happy about her sleeping arrangements. (This was in spite of me laying her usual night time blanket in the sleeping bag, so that she would have a familiar scent and texture on her face.)  And she carried on and on. It was the first time since weaning that I wished I was still nursing! There was no reasoning with her, and distraction wasn't much of an option either. And I just "knew" that even if I managed to get Avery back to sleep, that she would soon wake up and start the whole cycle over.  So we packed up our stuff and headed home.

Soooooo disappointing! You know that terribly-sad-pouty-face that babies make before they burst into tears? That was the look Caleb had when Matt carried him into the car.  I felt so bad for the boys because they had REALLY been enjoying themselves. But I think we made the right decision. There wasn't much point to us all -and by "all" I mean our family plus everyone else within earshot of Avery's screaming- being miserable throughout the night.  We were home 45 minutes later, and Avery went to bed just fine in her crib.

As we drove home I remembered how when Matt and I were making plans for this trip with our friends, Julie and I felt strongly that our first trip should be 1) just for one night and 2) close to home.  There was a reason for that!! I was super glad we didn't plan 2 nights in Yosemite, like we originally discussed! Someday we will do Yosemite... but not this year, that's for sure.

All in all, it was still a fun trip.  But as Caleb reminds us, "We didn't go camping since we didn't stay the whole night. We just went to the mountains."  We'll have to try camping again another time.

Holding My Breath

I think a lot of parents of preschoolers know what it's like to hold their breath as their child opens his mouth to say something, when the parent doesn't know what the kid is going to say, but knows there is a good chance it may be something outrageous. Yeah, we've had those moments too.

Every Sunday, in fact.

For the past few months we've been attending a new church. Caleb sits patiently with us for the first part of the church service, then goes up front with the other children for a lesson time before being dismissed to his Sunday school class. It's this children's story time at the front of the sanctuary that has us holding our breath each week.

Caleb is one of the youngest children to take part.  The majority of the kids are several years older, and depending on who is giving the lesson, some story times are more geared toward the older kids than the younger.  Some teachers solicit more child participation than others. But Caleb always eagerly listens and engages.  And in his wonderful, 5 year old way he participates.  Every week we hear him chiming in to answer a question or share his thoughts.  He is not shy at all.  On more than one occasion his comments have had the adults laughing heartily.  Like last week, when the teacher, illustrating the parable of the lost sheep, brought in a jar full of cotton balls and then intentionally spilled them.  The children helped clean up the mess, and then the teacher pretended there was one cotton ball still missing.  Caleb was sincerely concerned about this last cotton ball and stood up, tugging at his shirt, and said, "Wait, maybe one of them jumped into my pocket." And when the teacher spoke about the shepherd continuing to search for the lost sheep, Caleb shared how that was similar to the way he helped his brother search for his missing wrist watch.

So, yes, on the one hand I am holding my breath during the children's story time, not know what in the world my son might share with the group while he is up front.  But at the same time, I am loving it.  I love his innocence, his genuine interest in the story time, the way he connects new information to his past experiences, and especially the way he is comfortable being the wonderful 5 year old that God made him to be.  It's pretty neat.

A George-Related Follow Up Story

Remeber Caleb's imaginary friend, George? Caleb likes the idea of Hayden having imaginary friends too, so he often encourages Hayden by talking about Hayden's friends, Buzz Lightyear and Caillou.
"Hayden, are Caillou and Buzz still sleeping?" "Hayden, did Caillou and Buzz arrive here in their car?" "Hayden, where are Caillou and Buzz going to sit?" You get the idea.
This morning Caleb asked Hayden, "Why don't you talk to Caillou and Buzz?" 
And Hayden replied, "Because they don't talk to me."  So there.

Wonderfully Made

It's so fun for me to watch the kids develop as individuals, and amazing to see what a strong role Nature (vs. Nurture, that is) really has to play in who each one is.  As siblings, the kids have lots of similarities to each other, but I love the differences too.  I wanted to share my latest favorite example of how different Caleb and Hayden are from each other:

Hayden, not yet 3 1/2, is teaching himself to ride a two wheeled bike lately.  A few days ago he decided he was done with training wheels.  I should mention that he's only had this bike of his own for a month now (it used to be Caleb's).  Hayden likes to practice without ANY assistance.  The first day, he practiced for a few hours (seriously!) in the backyard, never getting discouraged and really enjoying this new challenge.  He is making great progress, and it might not be long before he's mastered the two-wheel bike.  And I just love him for it!

Caleb, as he watched Hayden practicing, said to me, "Do they make adults bikes with training wheels? Because I NEVER want to take off my training wheels." And I just love him for it!

Newest Member of our Family

Made you look! hehe. No, I am not pregnant. No, we did not get a new pet.

Meet George.  He spends lots of time at our house.  He drives a blue Chevy Suburban as well as a white Chevy 2 door van.  The police once caught him driving in 100th gear and he spent some time in jail.  He parks in the street in front of our house, but lately he's been asking us to move one of our vehicles to the street so that he can park in the driveway instead. He also follows us in his car wherever we go.  George prefers that we choose routes with only a few turns so that it's easier for him to follow us.  And when we park in a lot somewhere, we need to choose a spot where George can park next to us. He's 5 years old, and the other day when he left his jacket at preschool by mistake, he used his jet-pack to fly back to school to get the jacket.  He eats at Soft Order- his favorite restaurant- almost every night.  George used to always eat bones and poles, but now he's not quite as fond of bones, so it's just poles at Soft Order for now. 

Caleb has enjoyed hanging out with this new friend of his, and it's been fun for all of us as we get to know George.  What I like most about George is how neat and quiet he is.  It's like he's not even here!

It's Not Easy

Lately I have been missing the days when the boys were little (under 2) and parenting was relatively easy. I could trust my gut instinct when making decisions and feel confident that I was doing the right thing for the kids.  The older the kids get, the harder I find good parenting to be.  More and more I find myself in situations where I feel at a loss.  Usually I can think of several things NOT to do, but that's not good enough.  I wish my knee-jerk reactions were more trustworthy, but the fact is that if I do what comes natural all the time, I'll be teaching the kids things I don't really want them to learn. It's not easy to learn new habits and patterns of interaction (for myself), and it's not like I get the chance to retreat for a few weeks while I try to change myself before coming back to the kids and interacting with them. This is real time!

I know that in reality there are some things -probably a lot of things- I am doing right, but there are days when I feel like I'm just making one mistake after another. It's pretty discouraging, except that I have hope that God will fill in the gaps.  Never have I more appreciated God's promise of wisdom to those who ask for it than now as a parent.  This parenting thing can be H-A-R-D, but it's nice to know I'm not doing it alone!  It's comforting to have hope that God can change me and it's comforting to know that God can work in my children in spite of me.

A Puppy Dog Tale

Subtitle:  My BA in Psychology Really Is Good For Something

Over the past few months, Caleb has become increasingly afraid of dogs.  He didn't have a particularly bad experience or anything, but there are several things about encountering an unfamiliar dog that freaks out Caleb.  Recently his dislike for dogs escalated into an interfering-with-daily-life type of phobia.  He didn't want to play  in our backyard because he was worried the dog next door would jump over our 6 foot fence.  He didn't want to go to the playground because we might see a dog.  If we were at the playground and there was a dog within sight (even if it was 300 yards away), Caleb would climb to the top of the play structure and hide until the dog was gone.  Not cool. Caleb was bursting with anxiety, feeling uncomfortable even at his own home, and not able to relax and enjoy physical activity outdoors.

Caleb and I would talk through things rationally.  How many times has the dog jumped over the fence? Zero.  How many days have we lived here when the dog did NOT jump over the fence? A lot. What would happen if the dog did manage to jump over the fence? It might run around and try to lick me.  And what would happen if it licked you? I would get wet. And what happens if you get wet? I would have to dry off.  Caleb seemed to know that the things he disliked about dogs didn't really warrant the responses had had.  But the anxiety persisted.

It seemed that a bit of systematic desensitization was in order.  (This is the part where my psychology degree comes in, BTW.  Always a nice feeling to use some of that stuff I learned in college!) I put the word out among my friends that if anyone happened to get a small, young puppy, or knew of a dog with a newborn litter, to please let me know.  It was a long shot, but I just wanted Caleb to have the chance to be in the same room as a teeny tiny puppy without (hopefully) feeling threatened.  I also took Caleb to Petco, where there is a glassed in room for grooming.  The first time we went Caleb was shaking with fear, even as we stood outside the grooming area looking in.  The second time we went he was able to stand outside the grooming room and watch the dogs.  He was actually somewhat interested in it.

At Caleb's 5 year well check, I talked with the pediatrician about the dog phobia.  She and Caleb brainstormed together, and they came up with the idea that whenever Caleb went outside or to the park he would choose a towel to bring with him.  This way he had an easy way to dry himself if he happened to get licked. So now every time we go to the park, Caleb likes to bring a towel along.  (Fortunately he's not too rigid about it... if he forgets the towel, he is ok when I offer to use my shirt as a replacement if he needs to dry off!)

Our next step was to visit the humane society.  There were about 20 doggie "apartments" at the humane society with glass windows and doors that we could peak through.  Caleb did great looking at each of the dogs there.  The barking was still scary for him, but he could cope. After checking out the adoptable dogs in their apartments, we went outside and watched some dogs running around in the dog park. Again, we were at a distance and protected by a fence, but Caleb was calm and even enjoying our time there.

Caleb was really making progress here! He even went so far to say, "Maybe we can get a puppy.  And then when it gets bigger we can keep it if I like it, or if I don't like it we can give it to somebody else."  We aren't exactly ready to be a dog-owning family, but at least Caleb was opening up.  In the last week or two, Caleb has been a lot better about passing dogs when we go for bike rides (as long as they're leashed), and not nearly as paranoid on the playground when a dog is within a quarter mile radius.

The BIGGEST breakthrough came yesterday at the park.  A 7 year old girl was there with her 4 month old chihuahua.  The dog wasn't on a leash, as it was supposed to be at the park, but the girl was holding it tightly in her arms as she used the swings. Rather than running and hiding, Caleb slowly approached the girl and dog, and was asking her questions about the puppy.  I don't think he came any closer than 5 feet, which was kind of funny to watch.  Any time the girl moved and it looked like the dog MIGHT wiggle through her arms, Caleb ran a few feet back toward the safety of the tall play structure. But then eventually he would come closer again.

I am so proud of Caleb and quite happy about how much he's improved lately! Hopefully we can continue building on each of these steps.  I don't care if Caleb never likes dogs, I just want him to be able to go about his business without worrying about dogs. Keep up the good work, buddy!