Yet Another Tough Call

And I'm not referring to any World Cup action.

For a couple years now, Caleb and Hayden have really been into the Toy Story movies.  Initially I had some reservations about letting the boys watch them because of some of the language (a few uses of "stupid", "moron", etc.), characters (Sid and Zurg), and content (bits of shooting, fighting).  But at one point we needed a movie to watch on an airplane ride that would hold the boys' attention for awhile... and I also figured that it's wrong and unrealistic to shelter the boys from those negative things forever.  And of course the movies are filled with many positive themes and actions oveall.  So we played Toy Story for the kids on the airplane.

And so it began. Actually, my memory of it all isn't too clear, but somewhere along the lines Hayden became fascinated with Buzz Lightyear.  I think it has a lot to do with the preschooler desire for power.  (Sidenote: it's interesting to me how there are things that Hayden is really drawn to, and Caleb -even when he was Hayden's age- could care less about some of those same things-- such as Buzz's power.) Anyway, you can imagine the boys' excitement upon learning that a NEW Toy Story movie was coming out.  For months, I've been planning to take the boys on a "date" to the movies to see Toy Story 3.

That day came today. It was the first time Caleb and Hayden had ever been to the movie theater. Ahead of time we discussed what a theater was like inside, as well as the concept of seeing movies in a theater versus television. I was really excited to have some special time with the boys doing something they were looking forward to so much. 

It wasn't too far into the movie before Caleb got sad and scared about what was happening in the movie. And shortly after that, Hayden was scared too, crawling on my lap, saying he wanted to go home.  At one point, both boys were crying saying how much they hated the movie.  And the movie did have many sad and scary parts, especially from the point of view of a preschool aged boy who sees his hero going through some terrible trials.

I really didn't know what to do. Should we stay or leave? We could have left the theater.  It wasn't like I was thinking, "We paid for these tickets, so we have to get the most out of it."  I decided we would stay, and I kept reassuring the boys that often sad parts are followed by happy parts, that a movie can be good and sad at the same time, etc. I guess I was hoping to teach the boys not to give up on something just because they feel sad or scared. And I did want them to see that their heroes were ok in the end.

But I think I made a mistake.  As it turned out, the toys were ok in the end, but the movie's ending was truly bittersweet.  In Caleb and Hayden's minds the outcome did not make up for the sad/scary parts in any way.  They really did not like the movie.  If I had known exactly how the movie ended, I probably would have left early with the kids.

Caleb kept saying over and over how much he disliked the movie. And his behavior for the rest of the day showed how much he was still wrestling with the things he had seen.  He was crabby. More directly, as he played throughout the day he kept incorporating elements from the movie that were troubling him.  For example, in the movie Buzz was betrayed and tied up with a sack put over his head.  And later in the day, Caleb was playing with a nylon laundry bag over his head pretending he was being restrained. He also talked a lot about precious things burning and being put in a landfill, like in the movie.

Of course, I couldn't have anticipated all of this ahead of time. Caleb does have a history of being very senstitive to sad things in movies, but I don't know that this means that he should avoid sad movies altogether.  I could have previewed the movie without the kids, but even if I had done that I don't know that I would have decided against letting the boys see it. Did I make the wrong decision to stay for the entire movie rather than leave halfway through? Maybe. I think they would have been traumatized either way, but maybe it would have been better to teach them that their mother respects their ability to choose what they watch rather than to teach them that happy things can accompany sad things in movies.

I will say that a positive outcome of all of this is that the boys and I have a ton of things to talk about together over the next few days... regarding the specific events in the movie- both good and bad, and the concept of choosing what we watch.